I love the realism of the game, and I think random failures have a place, but I agree that instant death is a little harsh. Perhaps a single failure, like a camera or insrument not working, but if the whole lander is lost before doing anything...
A QTE upon failure, and once landers are controllable, manual landings might be a good way to give the player some chance to save it. Perhaps even if they succeed, a single instrument or part is in some way damaged?
This is a case of gameplay over realism.