To Bohemia Interactive and whoever else read

I come bearing news of incredulous dread

For spears in the game that you like to call DayZ

Have animations only fit for the wicked and crazy

For players hold spears like guns to their chest

But when players swing them, it's more like a jest

They swing them like shovels, and axes of pick

Trying to kill zeds with the spear's wobbly stick

The sight alone gives people cramps by laughter

But even more damning is stuff that comes after

For spears are weak and don't even swing that far

It's no wonder then the spear stopped being a star

I snuck behind a zombie and swinged at his head

Expecting the wicked beast to fall on ground dead

Instead the zombie cried bloody murder and yelled

And all his friends ate me to my last bloody cell